I’m A Caged Animal

    My heads in a loop, my thoughts are in a constant loop. Over n over in this agonizing loop. I want to go back to the gym, I want to step foot inside a gym. I want to work out with real equipment again.

    Not just the stuff at home, but the other stuff, all the stuff that I used to use. I want to get the results I know I’m capable of getting, of doing the work outs that bring me joy n happiness. Of doing the things that my body can do. I want to get those endorphins flowing n my body pumping n finding that girl that was so happy doing the things I love again.

    But I can’t, I can’t!

    Because for a year n a half I paid for a gym membership n I only got to go once. ONCE! I get tracked everywhere I go, everyday, every time. Every second, of every minute. I’m not allowed to step foot inside a gym, because we have a tiny gym that I’ve bought equipment for over time.

    I’m not allowed to work out in one, tho I used to be a personal trainer n I was so happy then, because he doesn’t want me in one because I thrive, because I’ll be around guys. Because I’ll be happy n fit n excited. I can’t r any of those things. I’m a caged animal. I’m not allowed to be happy, I’m not allowed to be me. I hate this. I hate the life I’m living.